The Noticeboard Test: Twenty Village Lifelines Hiding in Plain Sight
Alford Voice is, at heart, a noticeboard with a keyboard. We like the useful stuff: the phone number that saves a journey, the hall that can be hired for a birthday, the volunteer who will drive you to an appointment when the bus will not. So here is a quiz with a practical purpose. It is not an exam, and nobody is checking your answers. It is simply a way to test how much of the village you already carry in your head — and to bookmark the bits you did not know existed.
How to play
Give yourself one point for every service you could have named before reading the answer. No peeking. If you score below ten, do not panic; most of us learn the village in layers. If you score above fifteen, you are probably the person other people ring when they are stuck. Either way, the real winner is the neighbour you forward this to.
A quick note before we start: village services change. Opening times move, volunteers step back, new schemes appear. Always check the parish council website, the village hall foyer or the Alford Voice noticeboard before setting out. If something below is out of date, tell us and we will update it.
The twenty questions
1. Where could you take a wobbly toaster or a torn coat for a second chance? Answer: A repair café. These volunteer-run sessions usually cover small electricals, clothing, bikes and sometimes furniture. You bring the broken thing, someone helps you fix it, and you learn a little in the process. Dates are often monthly rather than weekly.
2. Who do you ring when you need a lift to a hospital appointment and the bus does not work? Answer: A community transport scheme or volunteer car service. Many villages run book-ahead lifts for medical appointments, often using volunteer drivers and a small mileage charge. Ring early; spaces go quickly.
3. Do you know where your nearest public defibrillator is? Answer: Most villages have one or more, often at the village hall, the pub, the school or the church porch. In an emergency, ring 999 and the ambulance service will tell you the nearest location and any access code. It is worth knowing the two closest before you need them.
4. What small pot of money could your community group apply to for a new noticeboard, a litter-pick or a children’s event? Answer: A parish council grant. Many councils set aside a small annual budget for local groups. The amounts are modest, but they buy paint, seeds, leaflets and room hire. Forms are usually on the council website or available from the clerk.
5. Where can you borrow a drill, a ladder or a wallpaper steamer without buying one? Answer: A tool library or borrow scheme, often run from a shed, garage or community cupboard. Some are informal, some are properly catalogued. Ask at the village hall or put a request on the local Facebook group.
6. What if you cannot get to the library because of illness or mobility? Answer: Library home delivery. Many library services will bring books to housebound readers, usually through volunteers. It is not always well advertised, but it exists.
7. Where can you go for a warm drink and company on a cold Tuesday? Answer: A warm hub, community lounge or lunch club. These often run in churches, halls or pubs during winter. Some charge a small amount; some are free. They are as much about conversation as the tea.
8. Who checks on older neighbours who live alone? Answer: Befriending services and good old-fashioned neighbourliness. Some areas have telephone befriending, some have volunteer visitors, and some rely on the person over the road. If you are worried about someone, the parish council or GP surgery can usually point you towards the right scheme.
9. Where can you get a hearing aid checked or a battery replaced without a full appointment? Answer: Many audiology services run drop-in maintenance sessions, sometimes in libraries or health centres. Ring the audiology department first; the dates are not always on the main noticeboard.
10. What do you do with an old sofa that will not fit in the car? Answer: A bulky waste collection, usually booked through the district council, or a trip to the household recycling centre with a permit if you are using a trailer. Check the rules before you load up; they vary.
11. Who fills the grit bin at the top of the hill? Answer: Usually the parish council or the local highways team, sometimes with a volunteer snow warden. If a bin is empty, report it rather than assuming someone else has. The same goes for a blocked drain before the frost arrives.
12. Where can you grow vegetables if you have no garden? Answer: Allotments, community orchards and shared growing spaces. Waiting lists can be long, so it is worth putting your name down early. Some villages also have a community garden where you can help for an hour and take home a few beans.
13. What building can you hire for a party, a meeting or a wake? Answer: The village hall, church room or community centre. Most have a kitchen, tables and chairs, and a booking secretary who would rather hear from you than see the hall sit empty. Ask about the deposit and the cleaning rota.
14. Who keeps the footpaths open and the stiles in one piece? Answer: The local authority, parish council and volunteer path wardens, depending on the route. If a gate is broken or a path is overgrown, report it with a photo and a grid reference if you can. It helps.
15. What scheme helps neighbours keep an eye on each other’s homes? Answer: Neighbourhood Watch, or a less formal WhatsApp group with the same idea. Some villages also run Speedwatch, where volunteers record speeding vehicles with the police. It is not vigilante work; it is paperwork and polite persistence.
16. Where can families find something to do in the school holidays that does not cost a fortune? Answer: The library, the church, the village hall and the family hub. Holiday activities often appear late and fill fast, so the trick is to check the noticeboard before the schools break up, not after.
17. What if you need period products or basic toiletries and money is tight? Answer: Many community fridges, food banks and school offices keep a small supply of free sanitary products and hygiene items. You do not have to explain yourself. Ask at the counter or send a quiet message.
18. Who can help you understand an energy bill or a warm home grant? Answer: Citizens Advice, the library, or a local energy advice service. Take your bill and a recent meter reading. They will not judge the number; they will look for the tariff, the discount or the grant you might have missed.
19. Where can you get help with a phone, a laptop or a form that has moved online? Answer: Digital help sessions, often at the library or village hall. Volunteers can help with email, NHS apps, council forms and video calls. Bring your passwords if you can, but never hand over your bank details.
20. Who do you tell when you discover a service that nobody else seems to know about? Answer: Us. Alford Voice. Send it to the noticeboard, tell us the name, the day and the phone number, and we will pass it on. The village directory is only as good as the people who add to it.
Your score, and what to do next
Count your points. Ten or more means you are a useful person to sit next to at a coffee morning. Fifteen or more means you should probably be on the parish council, or at least making the tea. Fewer than ten means you have just found a list worth keeping.
Either way, do one practical thing today: save this page, send it to a neighbour who has just moved in, or add one service we have missed. The best village guides are not written once and forgotten. They are updated by the people who actually use them, one small discovery at a time.
